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4 Devastating Career Killers … and How to Avoid Them (Part 4)

March 5, 2010 | Author: Allyn Horne | Filed under: The Networking Habit

Devastating Career Killer #4: Failing to Listen

You know the type … the one who interrupts you every time you begin talking. The one who never listens to you—and spends the whole conversation planning what they are going to say next.

In other words, not the good listener. So how do you trust a person who doesn’t seem to value you, or what you have to offer—who seems more interested in hearing themselves speak?

The truth is, you don’t. And you need to ask yourself: are you this person? If you surveyed your network today, would they say you had good listening skills?

Step #1: Diagnose your listening skills
Interestingly, research shows that when it comes to judging our listening skills, we tend to rate ourselves more highly than we should. One communication expert, Dr. John Kline, in his book Effective Listening, shares how communication seminar participants rate themselves at an average of 7.5 on a 1-10 scale, with 10 being the best listener, while rating other members of their group at only a 4.1. “In other words,” he writes, “[participants] believe that listening is a problem, but that the problem belongs to someone else.”

Apart from asking managers and mentors for candid feedback, you can also test yourself. After meeting with a new contact, try to write down at least five new things that you learned—from memory—about the person or their background. If you can’t do it, perhaps you weren’t listening carefully enough. If you struggle consistently, you have an active listening problem.

Step #2: Watch your body language

People know when you’re not listening to them. You begin to fidget, you fail to make eye contact, or visibly focus on other things.  Without even knowing it, you visibly telegraph your lack of interest … and burn your bridge.

Start by looking conversation partners in the eye. Mirror their posture. And repeat what they say to show your comprehension of the message conveyed by your conversation partner.

“A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while he gets to know something.” – Wilson Mizner

When you fail to listen, you not only destroy trust in your network, but you also miss valuable information … information that might power your next job move or promotion!

How to be a better listener? Online resources to help you develop this skill abound. Check out the International Listening Association’s Listening Facts. From the same organization, download the free e-book Listening is a 10-Part Skill. Print it out. Tuck it in your briefcase or backpack to read on your next trip through the friendly skies or during your next wait at the doctor’s office.

This small investment in self will help not only help you listen better; it will also help you become more authentic and build career-crucial trust within your network.

The takeaway:  “Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.” – Winston Churchill

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