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How to Approach a Mentor: Interview with Pamela Skillings

February 24, 2009 | Author: Jessica Howard | Filed under: Mentoring

Following the advice of a good mentor can make a floundering career flourish. Yet, how or where to find a mentor isn’t so obvious. Who is a good candidate and how do you approach them for advice in a professional manner?

We asked Pamela Skillings (right), author of Escape From Corporate America, about the “care and feeding” of mentors. Pamela says mentors have helped re-direct her career, paving the way to entrepreneurship.

Her experience demystifies the mentoring relationship.  For example, she has found that it’s often not even necessary to pop the question “Will you be my mentor?” to establish a great relationship. She also makes the point that mentorship takes many forms - it can happen in the course of one meeting or over several years. Even if you have no idea where your career is headed, you can benefit from mentoring. Read on!

UpMo: How do you identify a good mentor? Are they someone in a position that you aspire to be in, or someone with the connections to potentially help you get where you want to go? Are there particular characteristics to look for?

Pamela: For me, a good mentor is anyone that you can learn from. Over the course of my career, I have had boss mentors who helped me advance my career path and learn more about a particular company, industry, or specialization. I have also had mentors from completely different fields who taught me lessons about creativity, balance, and the importance of stepping out of my comfort zone.

Look for someone who shows brilliance in an area in which you’d like to develop. Don’t limit yourself to those above you on your current career ladder. I have one mentor who is probably my opposite in every way. We are in unrelated industries and on very different career paths. However, he is a genius at sales and negotiation and has taught me a lot about those subjects.

UpMo: What kind of relationship needs to be in place before approaching someone to be a mentor? If that person is several rungs above you on the career ladder, it’s likely that no relationship exists. Any tips on how to build the relationship and request mentorship?

Pamela: When it comes to building a mentoring relationship with someone you already know (even if very casually), the best first step is to request a meeting or coffee date to ask for advice on a particular issue. Most people – even busy people – will be happy to share their wisdom if you make it easy for them and ask nicely. Don’t jump right into requesting a commitment to a long-term mentor relationship. Make a great impression at your first meeting and establish a rapport. Often, the mentor/mentee relationship develops quite naturally from there. It’s usually not necessary to have a formal “Will you be my mentor?” conversation.

It can be a bit trickier to approach a prominent person that you don’t know personally. You can start by trying to arrange for an introduction through a mutual acquaintance. You can also seek out events at which you may run into your future mentor. Once you’ve made contact, you can move forward to the meeting/coffee date step.

For those who are bold, the mentor “cold call” approach does work sometimes. I have a client who was determined to convince a legendary executive (let’s call him Mr. Bigwig) to be his mentor. The only problem was that he had never met the man and had no mutual connections. So my client took another approach and drafted a gracious email that outlined his admiration for Mr. Bigwig and his interest in learning from him. He then requested a brief meeting at Mr. Bigwig’s office at his convenience. They met, got along famously, and established a relationship.  Now, every few months, my client reaches out to Mr. Bigwig with a question or a request to meet again to discuss a particular issue.

UpMo: What does the relationship require of the mentee? How do you build trust and reciprocate the help you’re receiving?

Pamela: The most important thing is to be appreciative and show it. Most people who take the time to mentor do it because it’s rewarding for them to help and they like the idea of paying forward the wisdom they’ve received from their own mentors.

However, the strongest mentor/mentee relationships are reciprocal. Let your mentor know that you’re available to help and look for ways to give back.  That might mean making an introduction, offering objective opinions or ideas, or providing an excellent restaurant recommendation. Early in my career, I didn’t have a lot of connections or wisdom to share with my first mentor. Instead, I offered my unique perspective from the entry level of the organization and my copy editing skills. I also became my mentor’s most vocal and loyal supporter within the company, which also earned me some points. Because I chose my mentor wisely, I was able to sing her praises sincerely and effectively.

UpMo: How can the mentee get the most out of the relationship? What are some strategies for making sure that it’s productive?

Pamela: Understand that your mentor’s time is valuable. Set goals for each session and prepare focused, smart questions. That doesn’t mean you can’t go off on interesting tangents, but you should plan for each meeting. You can make small talk with anybody. You want to make every minute with your mentor count. Your mentor will appreciate the fact that you’ve done your homework and enjoy the more interesting conversations that will be possible because of your preparation.

Remember to report back regularly on your progress and any breakthroughs or successes. Show that you’re listening and acting on your mentor’s advice. I love nothing more than hearing a mentee’s success story and knowing that I helped to make it happen. When I see tangible results, I want to keep helping and do even more for my mentee.
Also, don’t forget to ask your mentor about what’s new in his life. You can learn a lot just by listening and get answers to questions that you never would have thought to ask.

UpMo: Is a mentor a good idea for someone who doesn’t really know what they want to do next in their career? Many people are unhappy in their current situation, but don’t know what they want to do. Do you have to have a concrete career plan in order to identify and benefit from a mentor?

Pamela: If you’re feeling stuck in your career, you need a mentor now more than ever. Don’t feel pressure to find one mentor that represents your one true career path. You can have many mentors. Some may come into your life only for a day while others will provide guidance over many years.

When you don’t know what you want to do next, it’s time to explore. Find someone who’s doing something that interests you and pick her brain, ask her advice. You may ultimately decide to go in a different direction, but don’t discount the value of learning what you don’t want to do next.

I know from personal experience. My mentors helped me resolve a major career crisis and plot my escape from Corporate America to find a truer calling. My corporate mentors helped me see that staying on the corporate ladder was not for me – I simply couldn’t get excited about climbing to the next rung. So I went looking for a mentor who was doing something that I fantasized about – running her own business. She helped me see that entrepreneurship was the right next move and provided advice and introductions that were invaluable in helping me get started. I had always wanted to work for myself, but never really believed it was possible. That changed when I got to know my mentor, who had escaped from Corporate America to start a successful business. She was the role model I needed at that stage in my career and she soon introduced me to others who have also become great mentors and friends.

Part of my inspiration for writing my book, Escape from Corporate America: A Practical Guide to Creating the Career of Your Dreams, was to provide similar mentorship for others who feel stuck in uninspiring careers. I went out and interviewed hundreds of successful career changers in different fields and asked them to share their advice. After I quit my corporate job, I was bombarded with requests for guidance on how to change careers (many from people who I had always assumed were very satisfied in the corporate world).
I decided that somebody had to write the book that I had been searching for in vain during the years I spent feeling frustrated. I wanted to share practical tips, but also inspiring stories from people who love what they do. Mentors can offer much more than advice: they can serve as models to show you what’s possible in your career and life. So be sure to choose someone who inspires you.

Related Resources

How a Startup Junkie Got Her Start: Interview with Natalee Roan

Mentorship: Are You Lucky Like Carol Bartz?

UpModel Chooser: Follow Someone Who’s Been Where You’re Going

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This entry was posted on Tuesday, February 24th, 2009 and is filed under Mentoring. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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2 people have left comments

[...] If you’ve ever had a great mentor in your life, you know how valuable and rewarding a mentor/mentee relationship can be. But how do you find and “land” a great mentor? [...]

Will You Be My Mentor? wrote on February 25, 2009 - 9:00 am | Visit Link

I am very impressed with your advices for making a mentor. The reason what I do is that I am concerning to ask someone who be my mentor. Now, I got a tip to get a good mentor. Thank you, Author Jessica Howard.~^^*

Althouht I got a nice clue from you, there’s still a problem that the mentor I want to ask is so busy. He is a pastor, who has to meet anyone who wants to meet him, and has to visit church people who are sick or need to visit.

Do you have a brilliant idea for me under that situation?

Soma from S. Korea

Soma Kim wrote on February 22, 2010 - 3:14 am | Visit Link

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