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Do You Know Who Your Friends Are? It’s Getting Harder to Tell

March 12, 2009 | Author: Jessica Howard | Filed under: Layoffs, The Networking Habit

Economic turmoil has set social networking on fire. Layoffs (real or rumored) have pushed many previously skeptical sorts onto sites like LinkedIn, Facebook and Twitter. The transformation of how we connect and who we call friends has been catalyzed.

When Job Seekers Invade Facebook, a recent McKinsey Quarterly article, captures the phenomenon and raises a great question: “It’s a safe bet that if the economic downturn grinds on, we will witness further conflict between the nonrational instinct to connect socially and the rational calculation to build social capital for professional reasons. If so, it may put further strain on the notion of an online friend. We may find ourselves asking more frequently that age-old question, ‘What are friends for?’ “

As social networking escalates, the people we call friends may increasingly be sources of information and opportunities, but not much else. “Public displays of connection” on social networking sites show people in your network that they can judge your reliability and trustworthiness, wrote Judith Donath and Danah Boyd in an MIT paper. These sites allow us to “bridge disparate clusters,” they say, giving us access to new knowledge and opportunity.

So, technology allows us to build bigger networks of weak ties. But how far can technology take us? Anthropologists say it’s impossible to maintain stable social relationships with more than 150 people. In fact, The Economist asked Facebook to look into some numbers, and found that the average number of Facebook friends is 120, and the number of friendships within those groups where active, frequent communication takes place is 7 for men, 10 for women. So, the Economist article concludes: “Humans may be advertising themselves more efficiently. But they still have the same small circles of intimacy as ever.”

Although social networking tools can bridge geographical, logistical and financial gaps of connecting, they can’t build or navigate relationships for us. Hence the tactless request from that flaky former colleague who’s now out of a job, wondering if you would be a pal and pass on her resume. OMG! Just because you have access doesn’t give you the right to ask for favors.

Or does it? After all, she’s one of your friends, right?

Related Resources

Network Readiness Evaluator

When Your Network Speaks, Does Opportunity Listen?

As Job Boards Decline, Your Stock Goes Up

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3 people have left comments

Hi Jessica. All these social networking sites are just tools. They exist to help us develop, renew and maintain connections. I don’t feel there is an inherent obligation to fulfill every request for a favor. These sites help us build social capital. Every connection, every request is an investment you are making. There is ALWAYS some degree of “What’s in it for me?” Some favors get fulfilled because they will help me or at least not hurt me. Others don’t get fulfilled because there is risk to my reputation.

mike lally wrote on March 17, 2009 - 4:40 pm | Visit Link

Great article. I don’t think face to face interactions have ever been more important. Getting friends or followers isn’t the goal- it is the influence that you can have on these people. Gaining virtual relationships as just a number is pointless.

Ted wrote on March 19, 2009 - 12:48 pm | Visit Link

Ah, the quality vs. quantity question. Is it better to have a lot of friends you barely know or a few close ones?

This reminds me of 1 book I’d want if stranded on a deserted island, Barry Schwartz’s _The Paradox of Choice: Why More is Less_.

Schwartz has been seen in magazines like Men’s Health where readers want to choose among so many gadgets, e.g., digital cameras. He shows an example of 2 tastings where one could either sample 6 or 25 chocolates. The one with 25 yielded less satisfaction because after a while, all started to taste the same.

It’s interesting because the notion of careers is also covered in this book. Careering was simpler in previous years because you’d choose one profession and stay with it until retirement. Some say that was a boring way to live, especially if you discovered you were cut for something else later in life. So now is a time to rejoice because we’re more flexible to change and following passions. However, people experience a lot more anxiety because the fear is, “What if I choose the wrong career out of so many?”

Glenn wrote on March 29, 2009 - 6:51 pm | Visit Link

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